James Howell: Leading our own children to the true God
I don’t know Kenda Creasy Dean personally. In her photos, the Princeton Seminary professor looks downright joyful, bubbly, hopeful. I understand she’s a cool, delightful person. But her book, “Almost Christian,” has plunged me into a very dark mood.
She’s absolutely right in her assessments, that a mild, trivial kind of religiosity passes itself off as Christianity. I might rank the value of well-conceived mission trips higher than Dean would, but the colossal failure of the church to achieve something better than Moralistic Therapeutic Deism has me in a tailspin.
I knew it all along, but somehow “Almost Christian” feels like the death sentence I knew was coming while pretending all was well. My gloom is partly that gnawing sense of professional failure: the congregations I have served have quite nimbly churned out huge numbers of Moralistic Therapeutic Deists. Shame on me, and the people I’ve hired, volunteers and parents.
But what really makes me shiver about “Almost Christian” has to do with my own children. I am a pastor and theologian -- and I am a father. The way the proverbial PKs come to faith (or don’t) and what kind of faith they have must be inscrutably complex. Christian formation is dicey enough, but when the preacher/teacher/liturgist is dad, the one from whom the child is individuating, the one who nags or cajoles about homework, the one whose foibles are entirely exposed at home . . . I shudder at these thoughts.
As much as I care about the teenagers in my congregation, and the grownups who now are ex-teenagers who were formerly under my care, I have a far larger responsibility for (and passion about) my own three children. Are they “almost” Christian? Or robustly Christian? Or Christian at all?
My oldest, who has strangely found her way to seminary, seems almost embarrassingly well-formed theologically. But I can’t for a minute believe it came from the hip fun of youth group or from dad’s sizzling sermons. My middle child doesn’t say much of anything about the things of God -- but then she doesn’t say much of anything about anything at all, so I’m unsure if she’s not into God or simply taciturn. My youngest in some ways looks and acts a lot like a Moralistic Therapeutic Deist – but he probably doesn’t know himself how it all will come out.
I’m pondering these things here to prompt a conversation among those of us who lead. We probably all realize the peculiar twist our faith leading puts on the lives of those we love the most. Are we responsible to get at least our own children into the kingdom of God? Or do they get a special pass if they aren’t very well formed precisely because mom or dad is the leader? Do we shape organizations for the sake of our own families? Or recoil against their failure precisely because they let those we love the most down?
James Howell is senior pastor of Myers Park United Methodist Church in Charlotte, NC.
Leading your children to God
Hi James
I'm not a church leader, so maybe shouldn't be posting, but I sense your deep concern for your children and anxiety and would like to pose a question for all church leaders, How can it be any human's responsibility to 'get' another person into the kingdom of God? I think assuming it is the churches' 'job' to win souls for Christ is a great fallacy. My understanding of the New Testament is that it is the Holy Spirit's 'job' to call souls to Christ, and our job to obey His promptings and leadings in our life. (the harvest IS READY, but the workers are few, we don't have to make anyone ready). Who gave you your children? Who grew them to be healthy and able young people? Who protected them from accident and disease? God has given you these great gifts, but they are from Him and for His purpose. You cannot 'make' them into anything, you can only do what you are called to do, which is to love them and to model a life of trust in God. God will call them, and if they resist His call, pray for them, trusting that God's love will ALWAYS be available to them. And don't be afraid, fear is a lie. Though they walk through the waters, though they are threatened by flames, they are His, He will call them by name, and their faith will be THEIR OWN. Praise God!
whose job?
I couldn't agree more - but I could certainly fail to imply at home that Christianity is worth much, or I could be a cruel or vapid parent and make things much harder for God whose job it truly is... I don't think we're called to some passivity, a wait and see if God happens to do something in my children's lives...
leading...
Interesting dialogue, but I would say that it is a both/and situation. As a pastor and a parent, I feel it is my responsibility to lead my children to Christ, but it's not my responsibility to ensure that they chose Christ. It is my duty to pray for their salvation, but not my obligation to ensure that they are saved.
Sure I could attempt to hinder God's work with bad parenting/pastoring-but I know that God is bigger than that and me. I know that God uses life to glorify Himself in ways I could never wrap my small mind around.
And yes, I want my children to know the joy in life that happens when we walk with Jesus; the comfort that is from Christ, and the peace that exceeds all understanding. But having spend a decade or two apart from God I know that it was the time stumbling in the darkness that made me want to dance in the light.
so glad it is God who calls
I haven't read the book, yet, but will. In the meantime, I'm so glad it is God who calls, not our efforts as human beings.
I wouldn't want the church who baptized me to be held accountable for where I was theologically when I graduated from High School and left their care. These many decades later, I thank God for them, and for my parents who took me there every Sunday...
As for my own children, again, I rejoice that it is God who calls... and rest confident in God's love for me and for my children, wherever they end up theologically.
Baptismal Accountability
So, "Guest of 1:53 p.m.," why do you think that the congregation into which you were baptized shouldn't be held accountable for your theological formation? It probably would not be fair to hold them entirely accountable if you wandered away from the church, but it's their job to raise you in the faith while you live among them. Sure, raising you in the faith is the job of your family or origin, if the pastor who baptized you was serious about discovering that whomever brought you for baptism was planning on training you to be a professing Christian (which presumes you were baptized as an infant). But the church is to nurture all of its members--young and old--in being the people of God. The church supports your family of origin in the endeavor of training you in the ways of God, but at least in my denomination, the congregation makes a vow to the newly baptized (and renews its vow to to one another at each baptism) to nurture those who are baptized among them, to surround them with a community of love and forgiveness, and to pray for them. Why wouldn't we be held accountable for that?
an optimistic youth minister
When my faith journey led me into youth ministry I discovered that there are very very very few adults who feel at all comfortable in approaching the faith issue especially with teenagers, let alone themselves and each other. I've spent many years encouraging other adults that God doesn't expect them to be academically or theologically "prepared" to share the faith journey with teenagers. God just wants them to be present ... to the teens, to the children and to each other.
For me, it is not about taking personal responsibility for these kids salvation.. that is an intensely individual decision. It is completely about BEING God's vessel through Christ in their presence. Teenagers are amazingly adept at perceiving authenticity.
When they leave me, when they leave the church I pray that they have received God's invitation to seek God. It is, after all, a lifelong process.
Thanks for the conversation starter!!
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